Wednesday, 4 April 2012
Where I belong.
I was putting my daughter down to sleep the other evening after a poor night the night before and no nap. I had spent a large part of the run up to bedtime feeling 'stressed' about having some time to myself and some unbroken sleep. But as she fell asleep in my arms, I realised I shouldn't wish any of this time away. This is where I am supposed to be, a little snoring body pressed against me. This is what, if I am honest, I have always wanted, even when I didn't know it. Bad sleep and all.
In my experience I find it isn't always the done thing these days to love Motherhood, especially not the kind where you stay at home, at least with women of my generation who are educated and have careers or professions. I hadn't really understood what a political topic this was until I became a Mother, I thought people simply did what was best for them and their families given the constraints of cash, whatever that may be. I loved my job, I think I might even have been quite good at it and given the time and opportunities I believe I could have learnt to be excellent at it. But I gave it all up in a heartbeat and frankly I don't know exactly what I will go back to as that specific role my never exist again. A huge amount has changed in the world I worked in in a very short amount of time. But the fact of the matter is, for me, being at home with my child, it is the right path. I am thankful to the universe (and my Husband!) that I am getting to live the choice that is right for me and my family. Even on the days when it is downright awful!
I don't know what the future holds for me. But I do know I won't regret the decisions we have made so far. You can't ask for a lot more than that in life. I should thank my daughters sleeplessness for the chance to navel gaze over this!